My Fireworks Rant

Ok So I write a rant about the wonderful people around here that shoot off fireworks. I sent it to project rant but they didnt post it so I guess its not up to their "standards" lol even though they say on their page they try to post the texts of every rant submitted. Oh well. Here for your viewing pleasure.

Dear Fireworks Enthusiast,

I realize and accept that I have to deal with your little obsession with legally blowing shit up on every national holiday, whether it is a major one or an obscure one no one celebrates or even hears of. However, if you could keep your excitement and jubilation down to a day or two around the aforementioned holidays it would be greatly appreciated. I know that it’s very hard for you to express anything without loud popping explosions and horrific sulfur smells. It’s very hard for your small brain to wrap around the absurd idea that someone would ever not appreciate the awesomeness of your pyrotechnics. But it’s true. I tolerate your enthusiasm as I do any other annoyance that is legal. But that being said, having a dog who is terrified of loud noises, and a husband with PTSD from serving in our Military for 12 years and enduring multiple deployments, makes enjoying your little festivities a wee bit difficult. Today is the 25^th of June. Even though they are already selling fireworks does NOT mean you need to be setting them off from an hour before sunset until 5 am when you pass out from your alcohol induced coma. I hope you burn down your house with those horrific things. Then maybe my dog would be able to go outside and do her business without stopping halfway through and bolting for the door, and my husband could sleep peacefully without halfway waking up, not knowing where he is, and trying to find his M-4. Thank you for being so considerate as to blow this request off before you get two lines in. Oh and you are welcome by the way! My husband has made numerous sacrifices to ensure your right to annoy the shit out of others!

Sincerely

Pissed off neighbor