Depression Lies!

As its well known, my life, our lives (my husband and mine) have been rather stressful lately. I have thought I was handling it in stride, taking on the world and taking no prisoners, holding my head up high. But I guess all of that was just a distraction letting the depression sneak up on me. I have struggled with depression for most of my life and I realize how easy it is to sink into a depression cycle. I get down, I don't feel like doing things, so I don't do them, then I feel bad about not doing them, then I feel bad about feeling bad, then I just keep feeling worse until I either pull myself out of it or I sink into paralysis waiting for a lifeline. Usually my husband is amazing at pulling me out of my funks, but lately I cant ask him to do that. He has way too much on his plate to have to deal with me being down. So I have tried to hide it from him. I try to hide my bad days and that just made them worse.

Depression can be like a warm comfortable bed. You don't want to get out of it in the morning even when you have things that you have to do. Depression tells you "Hey you don't need to clean the house, its not like you are going to have company or anything, just let it slide. Do something mind numbing instead and hide from the world. Get comfortable cause you are going to feel like this for a LONG time." Then you hear this sinister laugh and get a little scared. But its not true. Depression isn't in charge. I am. So as it stands now I am giving my depression an eviction notice. It can leave on its own or I am kicking it out. I am starting tomorrow to get my life back on track, my house back on track, my mind back on track. I am not going to let my depression win this one. I may be tired but today I am going to tackle a job I have been putting off for a long time. I am going to grab the boxes of paperwork I have let pile up and start scanning and shredding them. I am going to get a filing cabinet this weekend so that all the paperwork I need to keep originals of will have a "home." But today I am breaking out the scanner, shredder and papers and I am going to start taking back my time and my house. Today I am breaking the cycle. I am doing it for me, I am doing it for my husband, I am doing it for us. I deserve to be happy. Everyone does. So its time that I find my happiness again. Paperwork... here I come!