So today I was supposed to be going to my first appointment with Jammy. Its not his first appointment on base but it is his first appointment that I was going to. I knew I was allowed to go to his appointments but I didnt know (until this last week) that I was SUPPOSED to be going to them. I have since learned the hard way that my amazing wonderful hubby that takes such good care of me and everyone else needs and advocate and thats where I step in! (here is where I would insert a picture of me standing with my hands on my hips wearing a cape and a shirt that said "super luci", well it would be if I had any of those things, but I dont, except for hips and hands, I have those!)
The morning started off good. I woke up with the first alarm (didnt even hit snooze! GO ME) got up and picked out my clothes and got dressed. Was ready before he was even! I was so proud. We left the house at 5 and stopped for coffee and had a little while to talk after we got to base before he left for PT. I saw he was hurting this morning but I was so hopeful that after the appointment with the doctor he would have a brand new profile that would keep him from continually having to hurt himself because of "procedure." So I happily played my game on my phone and waited for my husband to return and the sun to come up!
After PT we decided to go grab breakfast even though neither one of us was hungry and (despite the high levels of caffeine and that I had taken my meds this morning) I was getting a little tired. I am not used to 4 am mornings and thoroughly believe they should be illegal lol :p. We grab some food, go back to base, Jammy goes and changes out of his PTs and we head happily to the hospital for his appointment. I felt strange when we got there because I was the only spouse in the waiting room and I could see that Jammy was nervous so I stayed pretty quiet. When they called him back I knew something was going to go terribly wrong this day, however I didnt know it would be the whole fucking day. They call him back and the nurse very rudely tells me "You can NOT go back with him. I have to triage him ALONE. They will come back for you later!" I tried to smile as sweetly as I could and said as nicely as I could muster "Ok! No problem! I understand!" and proceeded to sit back down and wait. After 20 mins had past I started getting antsy. After 40 mins had passed the antsiness went away and was replaced by annoyed. Then at the hour mark, annoyed gave way to thoroughly pissed off. Thats about the time Jammy came out. He was pissed as well. I could see it on his face before I could even get to him. The first thing he said was "I kept telling her you were out here, she said that they were too far behind to let you come back." I looked at the COMPLETELY EMPTY waiting room and said..."Oh yeah, they are SWAMPED."
After that things just went down hill. The people we had to go see after that were either out or busy. The Nurse Case manager couldnt fit us in, which means that he couldnt get the appointment for his MRI or his appointment to go back to see the doctor. At the end of the day I was livid and so was Jammy. I decided something had to be done so I decided while he went to last formation I was going to go see his Ombudsman. This is supposed to be the "impartial advocate." I waited outside his office until the person before me left and then knocked and introduced myself. I proceeded to tell him my issues and why I was pissed. My husband is in pain, constantly. However the doctor will not put him on a profile that says he can take it a little easier at PT. Not for at least two days. The doctor would not let me come back today, when I was told I could come to all appointments. He stopped me there and told me that we had to request SPECIAL appointments for FAMILY to accompany him. They only schedule our soldiers for 20 minute appointments so (and I quote) "the doctors dont have time to answer questions and deal with issues that the family might have." I lost it. I told him that 20 minutes obviously wasnt enough time for him to address the issues HE has so something is obviously wrong. He said he would call the Nurse Case Manager and tell her to set up Family Appointments from now on. I didnt ask him but I am pretty sure this means another months wait before he can see his doctor. Yes you heard me right IT TOOK A MONTH FOR A WOUNDED WARRIOR TO SEE HIS DOCTOR. They couldnt fit him in before that. Anyone else see something wrong with this?
So after I left the Ombudsman's office I felt a little better about the situation (stress the little). I am hoping we can figure out what is really wrong with my husband and find a way to get him back into the job he loves so dearly. I just want to see him happy again. Just for a day. This constant state of pain and frustration is so hard on me. Especially since I cant do anything for him to help.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Couldnt sleep...
I guess this has been a long time coming. Almost 5 months coming actually. I knew that sooner or later I would have to face all of this but honestly I thought if I just kept "soldiering on" I could deal with it later. My husband was injured in combat. He had to jump off a small ledge during a firefight and hurt his back and his shoulder. No one took him seriously, no one. My husband the one who NEVER complains about pain, refuses profiles, and looks at "recovery times" as an outright challenge, was not taken seriously when he was in severe pain. That is until he started losing use of his hand. And then things got all crazy. Four months after he got hurt. The army decided to send him home. He had been deployed for over 7 months. We had not even had mid tour leave yet.
The first time I saw my husband in 7 months, I started crying. I promised myself I wouldn't, but it happened all the same. Then even my tears were cut short by the announcement over the loud speaker requesting Sgt Randell return to the ticket counter. We were met by someone from the WTU unit here that was sent to take my husband back to base with him. I flat out told that man he could go to hell because I hadn't seen my husband in 7 months I would take him to base if that's where he had to go. He was NOT taking him away from me. I should have known then how horrible life in WTU would be. They have broken every promise. Told him outright they wont give him his mid tour leave WHICH HE EARNED! And now they are trying to force him to have a surgery he doesn't even need.
I am at my wits end. But I have held on to the one fact that my husband cant stand. He is home, in one piece and this could have been MUCH worse. Before you think badly of him, you need to know this. My husband was born to be a soldier. He was born to be a leader and he was born to do this job. He is awesome at his job. He will fight for his soldiers just as hard as he fights with them. He wants to see all of his "kids" exceed him. He wants to see them thrive. And now for the first time in his life, he has to put himself first and he cant stand it. He cant stand that he has been getting feeling back in his hand since he returned home. He cant stand that he had to leave his "kids" for this. He cant stand being told that he has to stick around base all day when he has no appointments and nothing to do but he has to be at 1530 formation so he cant leave (or he could and waste half a tank of gas coming home and then going back, yeah like we can afford that). I love my husband, even his dedication to the military, whom I so fondly call his wife. I love his heart and his strength. Seeing him helpless and feeling helpless to make it better is about to make me break. I want to be strong for him, but for the first time ever, I am wondering if I can. I miss my husband. I want to spend time with him. I want to hold him and kiss him and talk to him without him being angry. I want to have one perfect day. A day where we don't worry about bills or the stupid WTU. ONE DAY.
It seems like all I can do is stand back and watch him war with himself. He tells me that there is no place he would rather be than with me. But I know better. I know he would rather be with his guys. I don't know if he believes me when I tell him I never wanted this to happen. I would have given anything to have him come home on time, if that would have meant that he came home not hurt. I never wanted him home early in this way. I know now I need a better support system here but at this point I don't know if I can find it. I hope I can.
PS~ I am really getting tired of other military wives being upset at me. Yes my husbands body is home, but not my husband. I am very blessed that I get to sleep with him at night, when he can sleep, or when I can. I am grateful for having him here to talk to and share things with. But I would have given all that up in a HEARTBEAT to have him home in December safe and sound. Please ladies, don't be jealous cause I got him home early, I didn't. I don't think he will truly be home until December.
The first time I saw my husband in 7 months, I started crying. I promised myself I wouldn't, but it happened all the same. Then even my tears were cut short by the announcement over the loud speaker requesting Sgt Randell return to the ticket counter. We were met by someone from the WTU unit here that was sent to take my husband back to base with him. I flat out told that man he could go to hell because I hadn't seen my husband in 7 months I would take him to base if that's where he had to go. He was NOT taking him away from me. I should have known then how horrible life in WTU would be. They have broken every promise. Told him outright they wont give him his mid tour leave WHICH HE EARNED! And now they are trying to force him to have a surgery he doesn't even need.
I am at my wits end. But I have held on to the one fact that my husband cant stand. He is home, in one piece and this could have been MUCH worse. Before you think badly of him, you need to know this. My husband was born to be a soldier. He was born to be a leader and he was born to do this job. He is awesome at his job. He will fight for his soldiers just as hard as he fights with them. He wants to see all of his "kids" exceed him. He wants to see them thrive. And now for the first time in his life, he has to put himself first and he cant stand it. He cant stand that he has been getting feeling back in his hand since he returned home. He cant stand that he had to leave his "kids" for this. He cant stand being told that he has to stick around base all day when he has no appointments and nothing to do but he has to be at 1530 formation so he cant leave (or he could and waste half a tank of gas coming home and then going back, yeah like we can afford that). I love my husband, even his dedication to the military, whom I so fondly call his wife. I love his heart and his strength. Seeing him helpless and feeling helpless to make it better is about to make me break. I want to be strong for him, but for the first time ever, I am wondering if I can. I miss my husband. I want to spend time with him. I want to hold him and kiss him and talk to him without him being angry. I want to have one perfect day. A day where we don't worry about bills or the stupid WTU. ONE DAY.
It seems like all I can do is stand back and watch him war with himself. He tells me that there is no place he would rather be than with me. But I know better. I know he would rather be with his guys. I don't know if he believes me when I tell him I never wanted this to happen. I would have given anything to have him come home on time, if that would have meant that he came home not hurt. I never wanted him home early in this way. I know now I need a better support system here but at this point I don't know if I can find it. I hope I can.
PS~ I am really getting tired of other military wives being upset at me. Yes my husbands body is home, but not my husband. I am very blessed that I get to sleep with him at night, when he can sleep, or when I can. I am grateful for having him here to talk to and share things with. But I would have given all that up in a HEARTBEAT to have him home in December safe and sound. Please ladies, don't be jealous cause I got him home early, I didn't. I don't think he will truly be home until December.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)