Couldnt sleep...

I guess this has been a long time coming. Almost 5 months coming actually. I knew that sooner or later I would have to face all of this but honestly I thought if I just kept "soldiering on" I could deal with it later. My husband was injured in combat. He had to jump off a small ledge during a firefight and hurt his back and his shoulder. No one took him seriously, no one. My husband the one who NEVER complains about pain, refuses profiles, and looks at "recovery times" as an outright challenge, was not taken seriously when he was in severe pain. That is until he started losing use of his hand. And then things got all crazy. Four months after he got hurt. The army decided to send him home. He had been deployed for over 7 months. We had not even had mid tour leave yet.

The first time I saw my husband in 7 months, I started crying. I promised myself I wouldn't, but it happened all the same. Then even my tears were cut short by the announcement over the loud speaker requesting Sgt Randell return to the ticket counter. We were met by someone from the WTU unit here that was sent to take my husband back to base with him. I flat out told that man he could go to hell because I hadn't seen my husband in 7 months I would take him to base if that's where he had to go. He was NOT taking him away from me. I should have known then how horrible life in WTU would be. They have broken every promise. Told him outright they wont give him his mid tour leave WHICH HE EARNED!  And now they are trying to force him to have a surgery he doesn't even need.

I am at my wits end. But I have held on to the one fact that my husband cant stand. He is home, in one piece and this could have been MUCH worse. Before you think badly of him, you need to know this. My husband was born to be a soldier. He was born to be a leader and he was born to do this job. He is awesome at his job. He will fight for his soldiers just as hard as he fights with them. He wants to see all of his "kids" exceed him. He wants to see them thrive. And now for the first time in his life, he has to put himself first and he cant stand it. He cant stand that he has been getting feeling back in his hand since he returned home. He cant stand that he had to leave his "kids" for this. He cant stand being told that he has to stick around base all day when he has no appointments and nothing to do but he has to be at 1530 formation so he cant leave (or he could and waste half a tank of gas coming home and then going back, yeah like we can afford that). I love my husband, even his dedication to the military, whom I so fondly call his wife. I love his heart and his strength. Seeing him helpless and feeling helpless to make it better is about to make me break. I want to be strong for him, but for the first time ever, I am wondering if I can. I miss  my husband. I want to spend time with him. I want to hold him and kiss him and talk to him without him being angry. I want to have one perfect day. A day where we don't worry about bills or the stupid WTU. ONE DAY.

It seems like all I can do is stand back and watch him war with himself. He tells me that there is no place he would rather be than with me. But I know better. I know he would rather be with his guys. I don't know if he believes me when I tell him I never wanted this to happen. I would have given anything to have him come home on time, if that would have meant that he came home not hurt. I never wanted him home early in this way. I know now I need a better support system here but at this point I don't know if I can find it. I hope I can.

PS~ I am really getting tired of other military wives being upset at me. Yes my husbands body is home, but not my husband. I am very blessed that I get to sleep with him at night, when he can sleep, or when I can. I am grateful for having him here to talk to and share things with. But I would have given all that up in a HEARTBEAT to have him home in December safe and sound. Please ladies, don't be jealous cause I got him home early, I didn't. I don't think he will truly be home until December.