As its well known, my life, our lives (my husband and mine) have been rather stressful lately. I have thought I was handling it in stride, taking on the world and taking no prisoners, holding my head up high. But I guess all of that was just a distraction letting the depression sneak up on me. I have struggled with depression for most of my life and I realize how easy it is to sink into a depression cycle. I get down, I don't feel like doing things, so I don't do them, then I feel bad about not doing them, then I feel bad about feeling bad, then I just keep feeling worse until I either pull myself out of it or I sink into paralysis waiting for a lifeline. Usually my husband is amazing at pulling me out of my funks, but lately I cant ask him to do that. He has way too much on his plate to have to deal with me being down. So I have tried to hide it from him. I try to hide my bad days and that just made them worse.
Depression can be like a warm comfortable bed. You don't want to get out of it in the morning even when you have things that you have to do. Depression tells you "Hey you don't need to clean the house, its not like you are going to have company or anything, just let it slide. Do something mind numbing instead and hide from the world. Get comfortable cause you are going to feel like this for a LONG time." Then you hear this sinister laugh and get a little scared. But its not true. Depression isn't in charge. I am. So as it stands now I am giving my depression an eviction notice. It can leave on its own or I am kicking it out. I am starting tomorrow to get my life back on track, my house back on track, my mind back on track. I am not going to let my depression win this one. I may be tired but today I am going to tackle a job I have been putting off for a long time. I am going to grab the boxes of paperwork I have let pile up and start scanning and shredding them. I am going to get a filing cabinet this weekend so that all the paperwork I need to keep originals of will have a "home." But today I am breaking out the scanner, shredder and papers and I am going to start taking back my time and my house. Today I am breaking the cycle. I am doing it for me, I am doing it for my husband, I am doing it for us. I deserve to be happy. Everyone does. So its time that I find my happiness again. Paperwork... here I come!
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Healthcare frustrations...
UGH I hate picking a doctor. I hate staring at a list of people for hours on end. I hate trying to calculate if the doctor is close enough for me to see. I hate the way Tricare makes me CHANGE my primary care doctor before I can go see a new doctor. How do I know if I want them to be in charge of my care until I meet them??? I mean really? I think that we should start interviewing the people we are putting our in charge of our lives. We should meet them, see if we trust them. I have been stuck several times with doctors I hate because changing is such a pain in my ass. *sigh* Ok I feel better. I just needed to vent.
Thursday, January 19, 2012
10,000 pound weight finally lifted!!!
So today we finally had our 10,000 pound weight lifted off our shoulders. We finally have an accurate diagnosis and care plan for my husband's injury! Its been such a difficult few months but after spending a few hours with a new doctor who was VERY thorough, we both realized on the ride home that it had to happen this way. A large chain of events had to come to fruition for us to both be able to see and accept the diagnosis. I am so relieved. Even with the sleep deprivation from getting home so late and the mild headache I have I feel like I am flying! Glad to have one chapter finally shut and looking forward to what the future holds! YAY!!
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Date Jars
This might be a bit swirly (considering I am a swirly thinker, comes with adhd) but I promise I have a point so hang in there with me.
I love Christmas. When I was a kid, I loved seeing what was beneath all that colorful paper and bows! But now that I am an adult, I love seeing the people I love light up when they open something I got them that I put a lot of thought into. I love seeing the innocent excitement that comes over their faces, where you can tell they feel like when we were kids and someone gave us a nickle and we thought they gave us the world. I also love the lights, the crisp chill in the air, the cocoa, and the feeling of excitement and hope.
That being said, now that Christmas is over, I am a little relieved and glad (I hate crowded shopping areas) but I am also a little sad. I miss the expectation and hope. I miss the joyful singing and cheer. I miss the excitement at seeing people peek at the gifts under the tree. So I started thinking of how my husband and I could bring that into our lives more. I came up with the idea of Date Jars.
It started as a simple idea. We would have at least two date nights a month. One that he planned around me, and one that I planned around him. We wouldn't tell the other one what was planned (unless necessary for whatever reason) but hints were fine. I was getting excited just thinking about it! Then I realized that there was a chance that the ideas could run out in a few months. I know I have struggled with gift ideas before, so why wouldn't date ideas be the same. So I started thinking... how could we let each other know what we wanted to do, while still letting there be a surprise and mystery to it. Then the Idea Fairy came down and hit me with her good idea stick. What if we had a place to put all our great ideas? Every time we think of something we want to do or share with the other one, or somewhere we want them to take us, we write it down and stick it in our jar. Then (lets say its my turn to plan the date for him) a few days before the date, I take down his jar, look at all the wonderful ideas, and pick a few out for the date! If I have an idea of what I want to do for him, I don't have to use the Jar, but if I am struggling, its there to help me out. I am going to be home in a few days and plan on actually using my craft stuff to decorate our Jars. I will post pictures when they are finished.
I thought this idea was too good to keep to myself. So there you are world. You are welcome.
I love Christmas. When I was a kid, I loved seeing what was beneath all that colorful paper and bows! But now that I am an adult, I love seeing the people I love light up when they open something I got them that I put a lot of thought into. I love seeing the innocent excitement that comes over their faces, where you can tell they feel like when we were kids and someone gave us a nickle and we thought they gave us the world. I also love the lights, the crisp chill in the air, the cocoa, and the feeling of excitement and hope.
That being said, now that Christmas is over, I am a little relieved and glad (I hate crowded shopping areas) but I am also a little sad. I miss the expectation and hope. I miss the joyful singing and cheer. I miss the excitement at seeing people peek at the gifts under the tree. So I started thinking of how my husband and I could bring that into our lives more. I came up with the idea of Date Jars.
It started as a simple idea. We would have at least two date nights a month. One that he planned around me, and one that I planned around him. We wouldn't tell the other one what was planned (unless necessary for whatever reason) but hints were fine. I was getting excited just thinking about it! Then I realized that there was a chance that the ideas could run out in a few months. I know I have struggled with gift ideas before, so why wouldn't date ideas be the same. So I started thinking... how could we let each other know what we wanted to do, while still letting there be a surprise and mystery to it. Then the Idea Fairy came down and hit me with her good idea stick. What if we had a place to put all our great ideas? Every time we think of something we want to do or share with the other one, or somewhere we want them to take us, we write it down and stick it in our jar. Then (lets say its my turn to plan the date for him) a few days before the date, I take down his jar, look at all the wonderful ideas, and pick a few out for the date! If I have an idea of what I want to do for him, I don't have to use the Jar, but if I am struggling, its there to help me out. I am going to be home in a few days and plan on actually using my craft stuff to decorate our Jars. I will post pictures when they are finished.
I thought this idea was too good to keep to myself. So there you are world. You are welcome.
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